Lou Fitz

Professional Anxiety Sufferer

Lou Fitz

Professional Anxiety Sufferer

Mental reality of a first time mum: My honest narration through anxiety

Oct 30, 2017 | Anxiety and Parenting

first time mum looking away

Can you recall people telling you that you won’t be able to prepare for parenthood? And then, you become a parent and think, ‘why does no one talk about how hard this bloody parenting thing is?’

Lets be honest, this parenting thing is soooooo fricken hard!!!!! But what just baffles me, is although we have some of the most amazing communication platforms available, there is still a huge lack of focus, lack of options, forums, and groups, that are for the Parents, ABOUT the Parents. Its all about the kids!!!!!
If your about to embark on the first-time mum journey, or, you are a first-time mum, or you have been in the mum game for a while now, this post will either scare you, resonate with you, or entertain you. But the most important thing after reading this, is that you won’t feel alone in this crazy new-parenting world. Within this post I share some of the real and raw stuff that went on in my head. The shit that people don’t usually tell you when you’re about to become a first-time mum.
Parenthood
Now, don’t take me the wrong way, I love the little ones, but it it’s all about the fricken baby!!!
The check-ups, the nursery, what’s the sex of the baby, picking a name, the baby showers, feeding the baby, oh look the baby is sick, the development of the baby, has the baby had enough sleep, how do you get the baby to sleep in the FIRST PLACE?
Is the baby too cold, too hot, have I sung the baby enough nursery rhymes, read enough books, I will ask the Facebook group why my baby just suddenly stopped sleeping in the pram, or why their poo has changed colour. What type of car seat should I get the baby, how about the pram, is that the safest pram, what accessories should I buy for the pram, how many more F*CKIN times should I go to baby bunting I wonder???
While the baby is getting so well looked after, the parents and everything around them (apart from the baby) is falling apart!!!!!
Your relationships, your mind, your body, your dignity (well that was left at the hospital), your sense of style, your ability to speak, your ability to make decisions, your bank account, your vagina, your sex life, your ability to cope with RESENTMENT, all because…of course, like everyone tells you…

” no one can prepare you for parenthood…”

DING DING DING!!!!! 
I will tell you why you cant prepare for parenthood….

” because no one talks about the Parents”

F*ck me, what a revelation!!!!!! I have just found it mind-blowing all the stuff that no one talks about!!!!
And I get it, its because no one wants to burst your little pregnancy ‘wanna be a parent’ bubble!!!!!!!
I honestly think that if someone had told me half of the stuff that I now know after tackling it head on, I could have mitigated all the hours I spent crying uncontrollably in the bottom of the shower, all the arguments with the hubby, the intense level of doubt I had for myself, the mourning of my old self, for the loss of independence, and the resentment….
OHHHH… the bloody resentment!
People say that you can never prepare for parenthood. Well, I want to challenge this, because the shit that comes with parenthood is REAL, its LIFE, and it is absolutely challenging and fascinating at the same time. I think you can prepare for parenthood by actually talking about being a parent, giving an honest insight into what it’s like, and share the things, the tips, the services, the products, that have made it a little less stressful for the PARENTS.
I’m not writing this to give advice, so if you’re after advice, I’m not the one for that. I’m sharing my story because I’m sure there are people out there that just want to relate to someone other than their family or friends, and maybe feel the same way as I do about the stupid stigmas (the annoying voice in your head that makes you second guess whether you should say what you REALLY think. Or be proud of having a cleaner, or that you have a nanny, or you get your meals delivered, or sometimes you just cry all day because it’s too much!!!).
Need someone to relate to
Everyone has a different story to tell, a different way of tackling problems, a different way of applying solutions, and what works for one person may not work for another. This is so normal, and its REALITY.
I think we just need to learn to OWN what we do, who we are, and what works for us, in each of our individual situations, to cut out all the judgemental shit that’s out there. And to talk about the hard stuff without feeling guilty.
That’s what I have found with the parent thing. It’s like if I have a bad or “negative” thing to say – I feel like I always have to back it up with a….

” but the positives outway the negatives…”

OR 

” its not all the time though…”

OR 

” its not that I don’t like being a mum…”

Why can’t we just feel/be comfortable with saying (out loud), and doing what we feel/think on the crappy days without the judgement/anxiety creeping its way into our minds?
parenting and anxiety
Like drinking wine while hanging out washing on a sunny Wednesday afternoon…

Wine, Washing, Wednesday

I had a really shit fricken day being a parent and that was that…no if’s, no but’s.
It was just fricken SHIT.
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lou@theanxietyproject.com.au